on hugging and kissing

aha...bet i got your attention there :)

since we've been here, we've met many people and have revolved in several social circles. at the risk of generalising, i see them in 3 very broad categories - The Have Arriveds (by their definition), The Comfortables, and *ahem*...The Strugglers (no prizes for guessing which group we are in :)). i could write a long entry on this, but i'm sure it'll be heavily censored by The Hasbern, who's always mindful of things and reminding me to 'think first' and 'not write things you'll regret'.

so, about my title. no it's not hugging and kissing of the erotic sort (sorry to disappoint :)). i'm referring to that very female ritual upon meeting/leaving people.

as kids we were trained to salam and cium tangan the elders. as you get older you do the salam to the heart thing when you meet new people, while with the elders the cium tangan part still stands. and then when i was in Darul there was this awesome sisterhood where we went a step closer and hugged and kissed. but then again i always wonder...2 or 3? then there are also friends i'm really glad to see, and with whom a bear-hug comes naturally.

when i came here, i've been in several hug-and-kiss situations. one was with a mak datin, who kissed the air behind my ears like 3 times. and then once we went for dinner with some malaysian yuppies, and upon extending my hand for the salam, i was (stiffly - me, not her) pulled for a hug-and-kiss. again...2 or 3?

and then again i've met some wonderful ladies in playgroup and mengaji, and some will pull and hug-and-kiss me, some not.

you see, i'm not a touchy-feely person. my whole family's not touchy-feely. i dread hellos and goodbyes because i have to participate in this ritual. normally i'll just stand straight and salam, and then there'll be that awkward pause where i try to gauge if the person will pull me towards her for a hug-and-kiss. and then there'll be another pause as i quickly try to guess if she'll stop at 2 or 3.

this hug-kiss thing is quite a dilemma for me. just when and with who do you do it? and who do you just hug, and who do you hug-and-kiss? and how many kisses? 2? 3? and what is it actually that you kiss? the cheeks or the air? is this a mat-salleh thing or an arab thing or an islamic thing?

it's mind-boggling, really. you can just imagine my agony as all these questions race through my mind in the above-mentioned very short awkward pause. the whole thing is very stressful for me.

can anyone help provide me with clear guidelines and help end my misery?